The Police Are Your Friends
Chris Korda
Church of Euthanasia actions often featured a prop called the "baby blaster," which consisted of a decrepit 1960s baby carriage full of "carnivorous babies" (baby dolls with bloody faces and hands) concealing a large, extremely loud sound system (the blaster). The baby blaster was originally created for abortion clinic actions, and its original audio consisted of the "screaming babies" tape as well as sermons by Rev. Chris Korda and Raven Drake. The blaster's electronics were custom-built from car-stereo components and included a cassette deck for playing looped cassettes, and a motorcycle battery for power. The baby blaster proved to be effective against pro-lifers, because it spooked them and interfered with their interminable prayers and hymn-singing. It was also a crowd-pleaser and boosted the Church of Euthanasia's morale. The baby blaster was soon deployed at other events, and Rev. Korda was tasked with creating audio specifically for these other events. "The Police Are Your Friends" was played at the EarthFest Naval Assault (Earth Day April 1999, at the Hatch Shell on the Boston Esplanade), using a much larger "mega-blaster" built by Pastor Kim. This blaster consisted of four fifteen-inch speakers, a 200-watt power amp, a marine battery, a mixer, a microphone, and a cassette deck, all mounted in a rugged plywood cabinet. The mega-blaster was placed on an 8'x12' homemade raft, which Church of Euthanasia members then launched from a hiding place, rowed across the Charles River, and anchored approximately twenty feet from the shore. The mega-blaster was switched on, and Rev. Korda played music and addressed the crowd. The blaster produced highly directional midrange frequencies, and was so abrasively loud that it halted the Earthfest rock concert, enraging the audience. A motorboat tried to sink or at least silence the raft by racing in tight circles around the raft, making large waves. This effort failed as the raft was extremely buoyant, and the mega-blaster surprisingly waterproof. The police then intervened. Lacking a motorboat of their own, they commandeered another private motorboat, drove it out to the raft, boarded it, and proclaimed it unsafe. They also explained that a police boat was on the way, and when it arrived the raft would be towed to shore. It was at this moment that the Police Are Your Friends tape was played , and astonishingly, the police didn't interfere. The onshore audience, which had previously displayed hostility, was apparently won over by this tape, and the bizarre spectacle of the impassive police officers docked to the raft. The mega-blaster was also used at the Bio2000 action in Copley Square. List of "baby blaster" tracks available on Internet Archive: Screaming Babies Buy Fleshdance The Police Are Your Friends